Wednesday, April 14, 2010

"Don't ever look away"

I don't like boundaries. I don't like having to tell myself I can't talk to someone, or that I can't ask a particular question because it would be "insensitive". When someone dies, for instance, people have a tendency to tread lightly around the topic, or pretend it never happened. We assume that the people grieving simply want to forget and move on and keep busy, and somehow they'll fool themselves into thinking that whatever happened is not a big deal.

I'm revealing my geekiness here, but I think this is along the same principle as what JK Rowling said: Fear of a name increases fear of the thing itself. All of the characters in Harry Potter refuse to say the name Voldemort. They want to believe he doesn't exist but in refusing to look at the reality they magnify his fear factor - and everyone is too scared to confront him.

The issues we refuse to acknowledge blow up in our minds until it's something we're convinced is too big for us to handle. We think the only solution is to look away and move on and pray to God that we never need to encounter the issue again. But things are never so black and white. Issues are not Satanic forces that will swallow us hole if we turn back to face them. The more we can face them and talk about them and work things through without fear, the smaller and more reasonable the issue becomes.

Call me nosy, but I don't like boundaries. I refuse to accept that part of my life is over, never to look at it again. I'm moving forward, but I'm not running away.

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